FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Paso Robles, California, April 1, 2009
Syl Arena announced today that after years of work, his formula for anti-gravity hairspray has been awarded a patent by the USPTO. Arena, who works as a commercial photographer and writes the blog PixSylated, said “It just shows that you never say never. Never ever. There were so many times when I wanted to quit. This is a great day for dreamers and guys with lousy hair around the world.”
When asked why he invested so much into the project, Arena said “It just seemed like the right thing to do. I mean, so many of my friends have that kind of hair that just lays there. You know, on top of their heads. I knew this would be a way to boost their self-esteem.”
In a related announcement, Isaac Newton Hair Products (NASDAQ: ISNEW) announced from their London headquarters that they have licensed the worldwide rights to Arena’s formula. While not confirmed, industry insiders murmured that Arena’s advance on the deal may have exceeded $100M and that annual royalties are expected to be twice that number.
When asked about his future, Arena said that when not working on new ideas for PixSylated, he’ll focus his work on breeding giant chickens. “World hunger is a global problem these days,” Arena observed. “We don’t understand the connection, but chickens really seem to thrive on my hairspray.”